In fact, there was a slight trend for participants to be put off this latter kind of sex, perhaps because morbid thoughts make some people want to escape their animal nature, not be reminded of it. For these anxious types, when morbid thoughts did lead to sexual desire it was for reasons of relationship insecurity — i. By contrast, for participants with an avoidant attachment style characterised by emotional distance and self-reliance morbid thoughts led to increased desire for sex that would bolster self-estem.
For men with an avoidant attachment style, this meant a desire for casual sex. Desire in the face of death: Terror management, attachment, and sexual motivation. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. It's good stress relief. It was a good thing. Everyone here has given great advice and is spot on.
I also think that specifically after a funeral, fucking like rabbits is something that is very life-affirming and is pretty much the antithesis of a funeral. Sex is both an emotional release, and provides an emotional closeness. We seek comfort and intimacy in times of emotional distress. It's really good that she was there for you. I was dating a girl who's best friend died of cancer at a crazy early age, like mid twenties or something.
After the service, on the ride home, she goes "pull over. She blew me on the side of the road then hoped on and rode me for a half hour straight. Never really talked about it after, seemed weirdly personal even for me to ask about, so I don't know what it is or why, but it is a relatively normal reaction. The human mind recoils from that awesome darkness in a number of illogical ways because it's a primordial rejection of our own mortality and a frantic clawing desire to find life again.
If my funeral made someone have great sex I'd be stoke. Well I mean I'd be dead. But you know what I mean. I hav had sex during all thirteen days of morning after my fathers death so ii understand you brother. Brother, you are not even supposed to talk according to rules. And you went and did such a horrible act!
I'm sorry for your loss. You shouldn't feel guilty. Like everyone else is saying, it's not uncommon. My husband was the same way when his mom died, too. Sex can be a very powerful source of comfort. I know when I am just depressed, my libido sky rockets because I crave the closeness. Basically what everyone said, emotional release.
Grief sex is common. You are normal, as long as you don't try to replicate this by going to other funerals. I Don't think it's unusual if it's someone you love and care for.
Sinetimes people do really stupid shit like sleep with a bunch of people after suffering a loss I guess it's a release or a lapse of stability. Everyone on here is giving positive feedback and I'm glad to see this, it actually makes me feel better. I had a boyfriend long ago that made me feel really bad because of a similar situation. I didn't rip his clothes off but was comforting him after his grandfather passed.
I initiated sex he got so upset with me and from time to time would bring it up to make me feel bad. I loved him cared for him and unfortunately at the time he was not emotionally open to me so this was the only way I felt I could make him feel better. I don't feel so bad anymore. I did the same exact thing with my gf at the time after my father's funeral. Like you said, last thing on our minds, and as it was happening we asked each other "is this ok?
You were feeling very sad, and hurt from the circumstances. You needed comfort, and sex with someone you care about is a great source of said comfort. I do not think you should feel guilty for that.
Like you said, it happened out of nowhere; it's not like you planned it. Probably has something to do with the chemical dopamine release that sex elicits in humans. Your mind was telling you that you were sad, and to try and fix the problem. Sex was the easiest avenue for this, as apposed to drink, drugs, or spending time with family recounting memories, stories, etc. May also have something to do with the psychological impact of seeing a family member die, and this a generation departing the earth.
The psychological need, even if perceived, to engage in an act undeniably associated with reproduction and evolution, I think is completely natural. I wouldn't be worried about it. Be happy that you had somebody that loves and cares for you that you could have sex with, rather than dwelling on the fact that you did have sex.
The fact that the sex was so 'hot' or 'carnal' can also be linked to the desire in both you and your partner to fulfil the needs outlined above. I've recently lost my mom, too, so I can relate to being the situation. There are so many emotions running through your head, the sexual release would have helped with at least a little of it. Do not feel guilty at all. It's what you needed. I don't know your situation of whether you've lost somebody that close to you before or not, but I just want to tell you that it is absolutely normal and okay to feel relieved.
Your mother is at peace, and life does get better as each day passes. First, I'm so sorry for your loss. What you experienced isn't uncommon, and there's no reason to feel guilty.
It's an emotional release, perhaps a reaction to feeling emotionally vulnerable and sharing the experience with your SO, a way to connect with each other, an affirmation of life Let it bond you, and let the sense of closeness be a comfort. Grieving is a process no one talks about, and it's messy and awkward. Many people have affairs around a funeral, sometimes with someone they wouldn't usually consider. It's just one of those things that happens.
Unfortunately it's never discussed so many people live with the shame of what they did, not knowing they are not alone.
They think they are uniquely guilty and disrespectful when in fact it "happens to" many people. Source - relationship counsellor for eight years, and that's long enough. There's a chapter from the 4th Song of ice and fire book Game of Thrones that touches on this. This is extremely common, op. You shouldn't feel bad at all. During or after times of great loss many people feel the need for emotional release, or the need to feel something, anything besides what they are currently.
Sex is the quickest path to that, and being so emotionally compromised it can bash through barriers to make the sex extremely passionate, immediate, and intense. After my grandmother's funeral, I had the most amazing sex. I was literally holding her up by my penis because I was so hard. I struggle to understand how tragedy can lead to such mind blowing experiences. Evolutionary subconscious for survival Everyone screws after a funeral, condolences for your loss..
I hooked up with a girl I met at my best friend's funeral, at the "afterparty", and had pretty memorable sex. We ended up dating for over a year after that and through the course of the relationship that first night easily stayed in my top 3 sexual experiences with her. That relationship ended up being a mistake well, it shouldn't have lasted as long as it did but I don't think you're in the wrong.
Grief does strange things to people. An affirmation of life? If it helps you through this then there's nothing to feel guilty about. The guilt will pass, it'll hopefully be something you learn to laugh about. Several people mentioned emotional release, and yup that about sums it up.
There's a pretty funny scene in the movie Wedding Crashers that talks about this exact thing. Basically Will Ferrell's character goes to random to pick-up chicks who are super horny in their grief.
I always thought it was just a joke, but maybe there is something to it. Anyway, congrats on the sex, and sorry for your loss.
The same thing happened when my then girlfriend's dad died. It a big emotional release, it's connecting with your partner, and it's kind of a celebration to life, you know? Don't be conflicted, it's something that makes sense in that situation.
All of that said, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. Another way to state what's been written above: My mom passed away too. Month and a half ago. Cardiac arrest after 14 years of high blood pressure and dialisis. When my dad died all I wanted to do was have rough sex and get wasted. It's an escape and a simple pleasure that helps you mitigate the pain of the loss. I stopped the getting wasted part but I still love rough sex.
I had always wanted an Irish wake up until I read your post. Now I hope when I die that the people close to me go and have amazing sex afterwards. In my culture after a funeral we are like 'hey Hank would have wanted us to go on and be happy' and after the funeral we all go to some family members home, and have a great feast with lots of food and lots of laughter. We recall funny stories about our loved one.
Those are some of the saddest and most enjoyable days ever, I know it sounds weird. I once felt one of the most powerful attractions I've ever felt, for the sister of the guys' funeral I literally just attended minutes prior.
Until you realize that the only prescription against death taking us all is making more babies ASAP I regret it now This reminds me of the movie with Vince Vaughn where one of the characters went to funerals just to bang chicks for this very reason. It was Will Ferel i think. Sex is life affirming. It is actually a very natural reaction to any kind of bad stuff that goes on. Think of it as balancing the bad out. It's not disrespectful, but if anything, you probably needed this an a physical and emotional release.
I lost my girlfriend a few months back. After the shock was gone, all I wanted to do was have sex. I started having wet dreams, was masturbating like 3 times a day. Imagine the pickle that put me in. I felt guilty for having sex with someone else, but I decided that life was for the living and she wouldn't have wanted me to stay alone forever.
Honest to god, my sex drive has never been higher. One of my sons was conceived while I was staying at my parent's house for my Father's funeral.