A sex researcher, blogger , and adjunct professor at New York University, Dr. Zhana has been studying casual sex and non-monogamy for the past decade. A few months ago, she started encouraging people to submit their own stories of one-night stands, fuck buddies, booty calls, and the occasional three- or foursome, and began featuring the stories on the Casual Sex Project, a digital collection of first-person sexual anecdotes. Much like sex itself, the stories run the gamut from awkward to hilarious to sad to highly erotic.
Pretty much every hookup experience you can imagine is featured on the website; because most submissions are anonymous, few authors hold any of the details back.
I anonymously submitted a story a few days ago, and even though I regularly write about sex for this website, I found myself blushing the whole time I was typing. Although many of the stories are titllating, the point of the project, says Dr.
Zhana, is not to turn us on. Rather, it serves an educational purpose: By learning how other people have casual sex, we can better understand ourselves and our own sexual desires and experiences. The Daily Dot spoke to Dr. So why the Casual Sex Project? What did you hope to learn from this project? A lot of people disapprove of it, a lot of people are very excited about it, a lot of people are doing it.
But there was no online space out there for people to share their actual stories of hookups. And I wanted to create such a space, because we need actual firsthand information for people to talk about what casual sex is for different people, what it means to them, what type of things happen.
I would normally get one submission a day, mostly from friends with extensive social networks. Yesterday I got 70 submissions. It seems like people are liking it. Usually you would only have a space to write something like this if you had your own sex blog.
A lot of people have no interest or desire in doing that, but they do have these one or two stories they wanna share. If you look at the media coverage of hookup culture, it sort of goes one of two ways: The stories reflect the many different ways people experience their hookups.
Some of them have seen it as a very positive experience that opened up a lot of passion and satisfaction in their lives. Not all hookups have the same positive or negative consequences for people, and not all people are equally susceptible to highly positive or negative consequences. For some people, hookups can be a good, positive thing they can enjoy without consequence, and for other people, no, they should probably stay away from them.
So I think the project really shows all those nuances. We need to start thinking about all the 50 shades of gray that exist, as opposed to the black and white. Do you think people are inherently predisposed to enjoying or not enjoying hookups? Does it largely depend on the person as to whether or not this is a good thing for them?
What research is showing so far is there are probably more inborn tendencies to be predisposed to enjoying hookups or less. Some of that is obviously upbringing: Some of the more inborn tendencies are probably related to your sex drive, and people with higher sex drives will be more predisposed to enjoying casual sex, but also high need for novelty and sensation-seeking, and we all differ on that.
Some people never wanna ride roller coasters, others get excited about that. Another thing that plays a big role is your susceptibility to bonding after casual sex or sex in general.
Some people are more susceptible to that. Those things matter to make some of us more predisposed to carefree enjoyment of hookups versus being harmed by them.
I met him through Tinder. Mildly attractive, fit but not in the top rank of my matches. When we started talking it was pretty nondescript and bland, except that we shared an interest. Fwb, a relationship if it worked that way, or even just friends. Then he let the ball roll to me. He was straightforward and not more attractive than me, so I felt I would be less intimidated. My greatest fear preceding the hookup was that he would turn out to be a dunderhead. What led to it? He came by, I was nervous but confident about my appeal.
We sat down, started eating and I made conversation. We talked a little bit about ourselves while I dicked around on my laptop trying to find something to watch and I think we kind of clicked.
And like a casual guy. He started initiating some physical contact like getting closer to me, brushing his thumb against my arm. Eventually we started watching something and we were sitting right by each other and he placed his hand on my lap and started stroking my thigh, like real casual. I guess this is happening. What sexual behaviors took place e. How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover?
What did you talk about? How did it end? Getting oral was interesting and kind of unexpected. I was just kind of quiet and breathed and had my hand in his hair. After a while he got up, maybe kissed me some more, and pulled his dick out. I was kind of impressed. He has a good-looking dick and a good size..
Later on he mentioned he was surprised by how tight I was. Like really tight, at first. There was a lot of kissing and the pain lessened, but I found that when he went harder it kind of hurt in a different way. Like it felt intense, but rather than feeling good, it was kind of hard to bear. Asides from the pain, it was more natural to me than I expected and it really weirded me out that he had my hands and feet tingling practically the whole time.
There were a lot of position changes but all with him on top. Eventually he came to a pause and he checked in on things. Found out this was really my first time. I gave positive feedback but also filled him in on some of the details and we talked about it. Like if we had sex more hopefully it would start to hurt less. I indicated I would be open to seeing him again. After we talked for a bit, we started kissing again and he fingered me for a while, and eventually we fucked some more.
We just chatted idly after that, like an hour or two, and eventually I mentioned that I had work to do. We kissed some more before he got up and he got hard again. I was wry about that. I walked him to the door. More kissing at the end, and he grabbed me closer to him. HE said sorry this time and left for real. I was pleased though, and after he left I wondered if it was too good to be true and if there was some sort of catch I was missing.
Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner s? The first round, I think he kind of just stopped out of concern for me. What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I felt like it was just kind of awkward to bring STIs up, maybe because when I had asked for test results in the past, one or two Tinder guys acted offended....
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Or, you know, having your friends do it for you. But the real world just doesn't. Having sex on the beach seems like the epitome of romance. I mean, who hasn't watched and then re-watched that super hot beach make out scene in From Here. We'll never know for sure, but we're willing to bet that whoever coined the phrase "misery loves company" came up with it while swapping breakup stories.
Coming up with an opening line on a dating app can sometimes be much more intimidating than coming up with one to use IRL. Sure, you can take the time to. Have you heard the news? The first steps to any summer fling are to have fun and be yourself. But if your "self" is a person who's anxious about talking to people or afraid of.
During the memory circle for my surprise thirtieth birthday, Hannah talked about the time we went to Bogue Chitto State Park in Louisiana. Many of us have seen the couple who make out on a street corner, on the bus, in the airport, at the movie theater, and anywhere else they can get their. You know the feelings of shame or guilt that can creep up on occasion following a hookup, even an amazing one. You worry about slut-shaming, about diseases, about unwanted pregnancies, about getting hurt physically, about having your boundaries disrespected.
You doubt you can relax enough to enjoy a random sexual encounter, or that a stranger can touch you the way you want to be touched to make it pleasurable.
Sometimes, you feel empowered enough to own up to your desires, take your sexuality into your own hands, and embark on an adventure that just might prove amazing. But you know what they say, no risk, no reward. But every now and then, that need for adventure, excitement, and mystery rears its devilish head and demands to be fed. Once that day comes, what do you do? Where do you find the tall, dark stranger or short and blond, or redhead, or whatever floats your boat, really to have this adventure with without even revealing your name?
Is that even possible in this age where everyone is socially connected through Facebook and Instagram?? You have a few different options. A bar or a club is the most obvious one. But partying is time consuming and energy consuming, often financially demanding, and sometimes leaves you empty handed: Another CSP favorite are chance meetings in spaces where people least expect them: They are so special because they are so random, unexpected, and impossible to plan.
But not necessarily immediate, anonymous, scandalous sex. Most of these apps ask you to sign in with your Facebook account, connect with your Instagram and Soundcloud accounts, show you matches with mutual friends of yours, common interests… There goes anonymity. So there goes immediacy. Have you attended a Tinder wedding yet? There goes the naughtiness. Let us suggest yet another option, one that promises to satisfy the criteria of this particular fantasy: Enter Pure an app designed to connect people for purely casual, anonymous encounters.
There is no need for all that info: Unlike anywhere else—online or offline—you can be assured that everyone on it is there for one and only one reason: To find hot, steamy, uncomplicated sex right that minute. No beating around the bush, no hopeful guesses that they want what you want, no misunderstandings, no endless back-and-forth. All there is on Pure is a single photograph so make it count! Your messages are encrypted end-to-end as you chat, and once the hour is up, your request and conversations are gone.
No one will know you were there. There is nothing quite like Pure out there. It combines the immediacy of Uber with the geolocation and simplicity of Tinder, the disappearing-photos ephemeralness of Snapchat, and the sexual like-mindedness of a sex party.
We want you to try Pure and tell us all about it. Download the app today and play with it for the next few weeks. Have fun with it, fulfill some fantasies, sample new things.
See what you can do with it. Wear a wig to your date. Ask your potential partner not to share his name or any personal info with you.
Tell him you just want someone to come over, bend you over the kitchen counter, and fuck you hard without a single word. Be creative, experiment, go wild.Sometimes I had nothing in common with the guy but there was a sexual spark. Users can connect with other members via webcam and host videos on their profiles. We messaged back and forth a bit and soon arranged to get together for a drink. Most of the time our efforts were fruitless, but there was this one night that I scored big. Heterosexual How many sexual partners have you had in your life including oral sex?